Thinking Of You

 Hi, Dad. 

Here I am again apologizing for not writing for so long. It's hard because I miss you so much. I wonder if you are aware that so much has moved on without you. Everyone is getting older, people are passing on. You are probably already aware that Aunt Ruth has passed. You only have one sister remaining down here now and though she and I used to spend a lot of time together, we do not even speak any more. 

I go by your grave site occasionally and laugh at the fact that they took out the big tree you were so happy to be buried under. You would be also happy to see that they finally have planted a new, but small, tree in it place. 

There is so much I wish I could say to you and tell you. But one thing, Dad. Do you remember the few days before you passed on when Stephanie and I spent the last few nights with you? Sometimes, I can still hear her talking to Papa Bear and she leaned across your bed and as she combed your beautiful white hair over and over, she excitedly shared with you her trip to Europe. She told you of all the places she tried to visit that she knew you had been in the war. She told you of all the sill photos she took of the clouds as the plane flew above them. She prattled on and on, all night for two nights in a row trying to give me time to sit beside your bed and get my midterm homework done while still being with you. 

Hearing her stories to you left me no option but to listen to her and imagine your side of the conversation back to her. I know you would have been excited. Stephanie was disappointed that she didn't get back from her vacation soon enough to come talk with you before you left us. Sometimes, we still talk about you as if you are here with us and Baby Bear still gets sad that she can't be with you. She is happy and wanted so badly to have you know Dan.

Happy belated Birthday, Dad. I was thinking of you - I just couldn't get signed on to this Blog to tell it to you. Also, Happy Valentines Day!!

The following letter you mailed to you parents, or rather Grandma, remind me of the day you told my ex that if he ever hurt me, you would kill him. Well, Dad, he waited until you were living in a nursing home before he did it. He proved you right - he is a coward. I am so proud of you though how you stood up for Grandma and tried to get Johnny to do something about the abuse your dad was doing to your mom. You are so wonderful and I know you would have been such a wonderful support for me but I had only Stephanie. All the rest believed his gaslighting stories. 

I love reading these letters, Dad. It reminds me that I am not alone after all. (And yet you mailed the letter in your Dad's name. Shame on you.)