Easter, Patrick, Roger

 Hello, Dad. It's been another whole year. I can't say I've been away for so long because I've been so busy. I've not been busy at all, much. Remember my little dog, Panda? I almost lost her to kidney failure November of '23. It's been costly and time consuming getting her back to a semblance of health. And, it's been so very heart breaking, but she has finally reached a place of fitness that, I hate to admit, is now better than mine.

I don't know what I'll do without her when it is her time to leave me. I promised her that I'd live at least one day longer than she does, tho, so she won't have to be alone or with someone who doesn't love her like I do. 

Tomorrow is Easter, Dad. I wish I was making one of those crazy paper mache Easter eggs for all the youngest kids. That was always so much fun. Now, I don't even know how many great grandkids you have. :(  Stephanie and Dan are coming for lunch and that is always fun - for me - I'm just not sure if they have a good time. I hope so.

Patrick has moved back to Colorado and lives in Fort Collins. He is so proud of his time in the Marines and he is so very proud of you as well. As am I. Patrick has asked for anything that Allan and I have that we would part with and give to him because he is making window boxes for it all and hanging them in his office. He is so wonderful. 

I think Allan is giving him at least one of your dog tags and I made copies of all the papers I had. I'm also going to give him the bayonet that I have. You would be so proud of him, dad. 

There is some bad news - or bad depending on how one looks at it. Roger has died. I'm not sorry. At least now, I don't have to look over my shoulder or worry about every stranger who nods a greeting. But, Dad, he left Stephanie with so much heartache!

Stephanie found that Roger had intentionally kept her away from her uncles/aunts/cousins and they away from her. His whole family is upset about it - Stephanie lost about 18 years of their company as it should have been. She is now trying to recover it by calling them all at least once a month and keeping in touch. 

Roger also left her out of his will. I find that one so demeaning and hard to believe. He was such a hateful monster. Especially since after letting her know that he had a "substantial" retirement account and cash on hand so that he would be comfortable. He left it all to his lot lizard. The only reason she can believe he would do that is because she would not turn her back on me and become part of their new "family".

Roger also barely made it out of the Army with an Honorable Discharge. I think if it weren't for the couple of medals he got before he became a turncoat, he would have been dishonorably discharged. As it is, he was kicked out of the Army and told he would never be welcomed back because of the illegal, dangerous, and bad things he did. Right after we were married, he told me he refused to carry a gun because he was always doing drugs and didn't want to shoot himself or someone else - but he also said he wanted to be put in the brig because he didn't want to be shot.  I get it, he was scared, but he enlisted, he had the chance to go somewhere where he wouldn't be so close to the front lines, but he was so darn proud and full of fight and thought he could win the war by himself. He found out he couldn't.

I can't even express the added negative feelings I have for him now because of all this. But he is gone, the stress is also pretty much gone, and the sun shines brighter every day. Even Stephanie seems relieved at not having to share holidays, although she is still hurting for the Daddy she used to have. 

I know how that feels. I miss you every day. I love you every day and I'm so proud that you were a moral person, a considerate person, an empathetic and compassionate person, and a very giving person. 

People still remember you, Dad. It makes me so proud. Just a year after you left us, I walked into a new, but small, furniture store downtown. As I walked up the middle isle, a Mexican gentleman came walking from the back to greet me. As I began to tell him why I was there, he began to smile so brightly that I stopped talking and smiled back at him. He quickly told me, "Oh, my God, girl. Those eyes. I would know those green eyes anywhere. Those are Leonard Lapp's eyes, are you, his daughter?"

To which I told him that I was your daughter. He then reminded me that he worked for you, once upon a time and that I would bring him sandwiches and he and I would ride the tractor together and then eat lunch. I remembered him, but now, I cannot remember his name. You do tho, I bet. I was so proud that day, Dad. I have always been so proud of you. 

Happy Easter. Love you, miss you,

Green eyes